She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
