Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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