So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
