Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
