evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
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Lo siento on account of my penis...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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