I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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