Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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