you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
