it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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