Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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