she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
