I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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