I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
