I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
