i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
