i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
