you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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