So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
