Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
