i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
