Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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