I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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