Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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