so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
