i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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