He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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