I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
