Non-Jews are for practice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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