just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just high enough for therapy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
