Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
