Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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