May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize