omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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