Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
