im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
