i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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