Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
