Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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