She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
