You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
