I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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