someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
