Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
