someone threw a dead crab at me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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