i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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