tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
