I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
