he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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