Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need moral support for this bender
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
