His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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