I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
