Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
