just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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