I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
