ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize