we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
