pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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