If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
