I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
