I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
