I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
