I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
