well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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