wake up i wanna do it froggy style
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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