just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
