You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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