She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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