I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
