dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
