Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
even my farts smell like vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
