you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fill condoms, not promises.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
