Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Panties = found
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
