your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
