Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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