"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
