IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
